Epiphanies via High School English Class.

Last night, I finished my final book for a high school English class. It was one of those rare moments this year that I was entranced by a book, utterly absorbed and oblivious to the ticking clock. This used to happen a lot—I was a voracious young reader—but these burned out high school have been too kind to the leisurely reader in me. Not that my elementary school reading habits were leisurely; they were ferocious, and I wolfed down books and novels by the week.

Recently, I have had to force myself through my reading. It’s not a pleasant experience, and these books that are forced down my throat never stay in my brain. Still, English V H/AP has been a good year. Rather than study for a useless test (Euro), I’d like to reflect on my high school reading list.

Favorite Five: Will Blow Cash to Own
1. The Remains of the Day – Beautiful prose. Loved Stevens perhaps a tad too much.
2. The Bluest Eye – A devastatingly tragic novel. It took a few years for me to finally appreciate it.
3. The Canterbury Tales – Satire with the perfect dose of sexual innuendo. What’s not to love?
4. "Roman Fever" – Ouch. Burn. Women are cruel.
5. 1984 – I <3 dystopia...when it’s fictional. Such precision in social commentary.

Next Five: Will Blow Gift Card to Own
1. The Joy Luck Club – Another reread. Realized the Asian-American experience was all too homogeneous.
2. The Catcher in the Rye – All you people who hate it are just phonies.
3. The Sun Also Rises – “A love story between a nymphomaniac and a man without a penis.” Must read!
4. Macbeth – Shakespeare. Nuff said.
5. Holes – My vote for the most “perfectly plotted” novel.

Bottom Ten: Won’t Touch Even for Free (From bad to worst)
1. Beowulf – Stiff characters and jumpy plot. Get old enough and nobody dares disrespect you.
2. Lord of the Flies – Total lack of subtly. A bitter man ranting unfoundedly about humankind.
3. The Alchemist – Mix every single New Age mantra into fantasy novel and this is want you get. It just tried too hard.
4. Pride and Prejudice – The first book I never finished for class. (I did read it before...) Verbose and gossipy—a terrible combination.
5. Frankenstein – The Wishbone episode was so much better.
6. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – This Wishbone episode was better too.
7. A Separate Peace – Even the HoYay didn’t redeem it.
8/9.The Education of Little Tree & Ragged Dick – Sophomore year was just the nadir of literary merit.
10. Siddhartha – Worthless piece of pseudo-Asian fluff.