Promenade Stand

It's the current buzz word. The word that manages to infiltrate every conversation, from polite hallway greetings to deep philosophical conversations to IM messages. It floats through the cafeteria, through classrooms, through the the infinity of cyber space. In the last few weeks, it has perhaps even managed to replace "study" as the most common word in our vocabulary.

I say "our" because it is not my vocabulary. The word is "prom," short for "promenade." Strange that one would chose a stuffy British word rhyming with lemonade to dub a celebration of teenage frivolity that bills itself as formal and adult.

As my friends fly themselves into a flurry in the search of the perfect shoes, the perfect dress, and the perfect date, I once again find it hard to muster much enthusiasm. Yes, there's the occasion flutter of my heart at the news of plans working out, and maybe occassional indignation with their frustation. But most of all I find myself lightly amused. Amused as one would feel when they hear a particularly juicy piece of gossip, or learn about an interesting bit of trivia.

It's the TV screen again. I observe the ongoings through that hazy screen without giving though to my own participation. The question I struggle with is whether I truly do not care about prom, or that I am constructing that indifference from my reluctance.

I like to believe that I do really do not care about prom. I don't want to bother with the frivolity of spending $200 on a dress that makes me look fat and will wear only once in my life. I don't want to bother with all the brainpower in planning and anticipating this "magical night." I just don't want to bother.

But then, is this reluctance borne of something deeper than laziness? Is this a remant of my anti-normal-teenage-behavior tendencies? Is there something fundamentally wrong with me has an adolescent if I don't care about prom? Why don't I enjoy indulging in this teenage stuff? Why am I always so serious? Why am I so bent on being adult and mature when this is the exact time to be childish and flighty? What do I actually want?

I don't know.