self-conscious thoughts

The one thing I'm most scared of is being boring.
And forgettable.
And replaceable.
That I'll leave the room and you won't notice.

This shit is bananas.

A couple weeks ago, I went to MIT and hung out in Patrick's dorm. Saw the stabbing scene that was literally 10 feet away from his room.

Chatted with a couple of his dormmates as they walked in and out. There was one tall guy from Singapore, who bore a vague resemblance to Jet Li. He showed us his extensive -- by college student standards anyway -- collection of cookware, including magnetic bunny-shaped salt and pepper shakers and a banana stand. "My mom bought it," he explained about the banana stand, "Mom, why would I ever need a banana stand? I haven't eaten a single banana since I got here!"

Later, Patrick told me the guy was the son of Singapore's prime minister. His mother, according Wikipedia, is the most powerful woman in Singapore. And she's buying banana stands.

a cream puff

A passage from Julio Cortazar's "Bestiary" leaps into my mind sometimes:

Rema's hands which made you want to cry and feel them on your head forever, a caress like death almost and pastries with vanilla cream, the two best things on earth

Lamont Café, the culinary provider of the undergrad library, serves a gargantuan cream puff. It’s as big as the palm of my hand and as thick as Mankiw's Principles of Economics. More cream than puff. All vanilla cream. As I squish into it, the heavy cream on my tongue reminds me of the caress of death, the tight embrace of homework, the noose of an impending all-nighter.

A cream puff will do just as good as a madeleine. Off to Lamont I go, in search of a cream puff and lost time.

i live in a zoo

I was walking back to my dorm from class today, and per usual, there was a large group elderly tourists congregated outside my entryway. Except this time, the tour guide had the gumption to stand on the very steps of my door, effectively blocking anyone from going in or out.

I made my way to the steps politely as possible, displacing the tourists from my path. Then the tour guide said, "This is the second female we've seen entering the building. We saw a male earlier, so the males and females live together. "

Am I an exhibit at the zoo? Species: homo harvardius, subspecies: Hollisian?

The visitors need to go away.

the internet is a strange loop

I am taking a seminar about the Internet.

I am writing a blog about a seminar about the Internet.

I am conducting research about blogs about classes about the Internet.

I am writing about conducting research about blogs about classes about the Internet.

The Internet is a strange loop.